When Worlds Fall

Sordid Nation 2.0

You are not connected. Please login or register

Secrets and Favors

Go to page : Previous  1, 2, 3 ... 10, 11, 12, 13  Next

Go down  Message [Page 11 of 13]

251 Re: Secrets and Favors on Tue Feb 16, 2016 9:11 pm

"Don't you dare give him anything," Cael scowls, shaking his head at Teagan before he cuts me a scolding look. 

"I'm not a child, Cael," I snap before nodding toward Teagan's bag. "A smokie will be fine, it doesn't have to be too potent. Just something mellow to go with the music and I'll be set for a few hours."

Ljuba is just about to open her mouth again when I inhale sharply and shake my head at her.

"I don't want to talk to you," I say stiffly. "Not right now. Your secret is safe for now, just - leave me alone."

View user profile

252 Re: Secrets and Favors on Tue Feb 16, 2016 9:19 pm

I can see Ljuba tense as she stands in the open door, her hair wet for some reason that leaves her shivering in the wind. 

"Marn- I'd really like to talk to you, though." She says as evenly as she can muster, and I look between her and Cael uneasily.

"I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing..." I say softly, my hands on my bag as I try to make sense of the situation.

View user profile http://sordidnations.forumotion.com

253 Re: Secrets and Favors on Tue Feb 16, 2016 9:30 pm

I'm grinding my teeth so hard that my jaw hurts, my ears ringing as I try to calm the anger threatening to boil up from under the surface. Taking a deep breath, I pause for only a moment before making my way over to the door.

"Fine," I say as I hop down onto the icy road, the cold wind sending a shiver through me as I slam the door behind me to stop the curious ears in the van from listening in.

"Talk," I say stiffly. I'm not even sure why I'm angry, but I am. Angrier than I think I've ever been, as far as Ljuba is concerned.

View user profile

254 Re: Secrets and Favors on Tue Feb 16, 2016 9:34 pm

"It's not what you think," I whisper, my arms curling around my front as I brace myself against the wind.

View user profile http://sordidnations.forumotion.com

255 Re: Secrets and Favors on Tue Feb 16, 2016 9:44 pm

"Right," I laugh, nodding angrily as I try my damnedest not to sneer at her. "So you didn't fuck the whore in the van and get knocked up with his child when you were fifteen. I don't-," I grit my teeth and knock my knuckles against my forehead in one last ditch effort to calm myself. 

"I don't even know why I'm so fucking angry right now!" I shout, unable to contain it any longer. "I don't know why I had it in my head that you just didn't like being touched, but I did. I don't know, maybe it made me feel better about the fact that I repel you, it was just easier thinking that you've just never been a sexual creature. And I admit, I had to wrap my head around it when you told me you'd been pregnant earlier, but knowing that it was Jean's just makes it so much fucking worse!"

View user profile

256 Re: Secrets and Favors on Tue Feb 16, 2016 9:56 pm

"Shh!" I wince at his outburst, raising my hands to try and calm him as I fight the shudders brought on by the cold. 

"It was almost ten years ago!" I hiss, trying to keep my voice down as I glance at the van anxiously.

View user profile http://sordidnations.forumotion.com

257 Re: Secrets and Favors on Tue Feb 16, 2016 10:05 pm

"I don't CARE!" I shout, tears threatening to fall as my voice cracks on the last word. Inhaling sharply, I scrub my hands across my face roughly. I already know from the hushed whispers in the van that Jean had heard me, and the twinge of guilt at that fact only makes me angrier.

"You should have told me," I say roughly as I pace on the spot. "You said it wasn't important, that it didn't matter who the father was, it was in the past, whatever, but it's not because he's right fucking in there! And you still trust him, you still feel safe with him! Even after everything that's happened since, you don't flinch when he goes to touch you!"

View user profile

258 Re: Secrets and Favors on Tue Feb 16, 2016 10:30 pm

"It doesn't matter!" I finally yell, "It doesn't matter! It didn't matter because he didn't know! 

"I fucked my sister's boyfriend when I was fifteen. It was stupid and I felt awful about it. It doesn't matter anymore, it was almost ten years ago!" I tense as my arms wrap back across my front, "Why does it matter so much to you that I did or didn't have sex!?"

View user profile http://sordidnations.forumotion.com

259 Re: Secrets and Favors on Tue Feb 16, 2016 10:58 pm

"It isn't the sex!" I snap, half shouting as I scowl at her with a mixture of hurt and anger. "It isn't even that you were pregnant, it's everything else! You trusted him, and you still trust him, but you can't trust me. You don't need to start slow and stick to the little stuff with him. He just comes in for a fucking hug and you give it to him HAPPILY. 

"And that was all fine when he was just your friend from before, but now it's different because he was the father of your goddamn child - someone you trusted enough to sneak around and share a bed with! And I don't know why that matters, but it fucking does! After all the effort I've put into making you feel safe and okay with me, it fucking matters that he's already on your safe list and I'm not! After six fucking years, I'm not on it and he is!"

View user profile

260 Re: Secrets and Favors on Tue Feb 16, 2016 11:14 pm

"He's from before!" I practically scream this time, "He's from before, before I was afraid and ugly and damaged, as you put it! 

"You're right, it's easier with him. It's easier, and I'm sorry." I continue, my voice softening as I shudder in the cold, "He was one of my best friends before, I've known him for so long. He reminds me of what it was like before, and it's easy. But that doesn't mean I don't want to have new comforts with you! 

"I haven't been touched by anyone but you since that night. It's because of you that I'm able to hug an old friend when I see them, that I can even talk to strangers or step out of my apartment! I'm sorry that you think I find you repulsive, or that you can't see how important you are to me. And I'm sorry that you got stuck with me after everything happened and how hard that is for you, but I'm trying!"

View user profile http://sordidnations.forumotion.com

261 Re: Secrets and Favors on Tue Feb 16, 2016 11:30 pm

"Well try harder!" I snap, regretting the words before they've even left my mouth. Frankly, I regret everything I've said, and that's why I've never said any of it before because I know she's trying, I know progress is being made, no matter how hard or slow it is. Still, I can't help feeling like a piece of shit sometimes and feeling angry about it, a fact I always feel guilty about when I find myself sulking.

Dragging a hand across my face, I collapse back against the van tiredly. All the fight has drained out of me and I just feel exhausted now.

"I hate feeling like this, Lju," I admit with a bitter kind of laugh as I wipe my eyes on the back of my hand. "I know you're trying and I know it's not your fault or my fault or anybody's fault! And I hate saying it because I don't want you to feel bad, but you were right. I do get lonely, and I hate not being able to come to you with it because of what that bastard did to you. So yeah, I get furiously jealous when you're okay to touch someone else but not me. And I'm sorry."

View user profile

262 Re: Secrets and Favors on Tue Feb 16, 2016 11:44 pm

My leg bounces anxiously as I look at him, a hand rubbing across my lips as I make sense of my thoughts. 

"I want to kiss you, but I taste like vomit..." I say weakly, "I don't know how else to make it right. To make you okay with what I can offer right now?" I step closer as I lower my voice, glancing back at the van nervously before continuing. "It's really hard to try and be more open when someone's in the other bed a few feet away, you know."

View user profile http://sordidnations.forumotion.com

263 Re: Secrets and Favors on Tue Feb 16, 2016 11:57 pm

I shake my head at her, an emotional laugh breaking out of me as I pull her into a tight hug.

"I'm really sorry," I say into her hair, my voice coming out muffled and wobbly. "But you're right, your breath really does smell awful right now."

View user profile

264 Re: Secrets and Favors on Tue Feb 16, 2016 11:58 pm

"Now's not a good time to tell you it was in my hair, is it?" I half laugh/half cry the sentiment as I hug him tiredly, tucking my head against his shoulder.

View user profile http://sordidnations.forumotion.com

265 Re: Secrets and Favors on Wed Feb 17, 2016 12:07 am

"That explains a lot," I sigh, not bothering to let go as I rest my cheek against her. "It's alright, though... I already stepped in Cael's."

I startle a bit as the tall blond man pulls the side door open and bangs on the side of the van to interrupt us.

"Alright, love birds!" he says loudly, nodding for us to get in the van. "It's time to get out of here. The red raiders come through these parts at high noon, and we're sitting ducks parked here with our thumbs up our asses. And frankly, I'm sick of listening to your gross sob fests, so come on."

View user profile

266 Re: Secrets and Favors on Wed Feb 17, 2016 12:13 am

Cael startles me as he slams the door open, and I step back away from Marnin as Cael steps back into the van so he can crawl into the driver seat. I can see the back of Jean's head in the passenger seat, and I tense as I realize what awaits me inside the van. 

"I made you both some tea!" Teagan calls from within the van, and I frown at the small woman as I crawl into the van and head for the back. "It's got ginger, so it'll be great for any nausea, and then a bit of chamomile for sleep! And it's just a plain little herbal remedy, nothing too strong. No way it could possibly make anyone sick. Almost done steeping!"

View user profile http://sordidnations.forumotion.com

267 Re: Secrets and Favors on Wed Feb 17, 2016 12:25 am

"Thank you, Teagan," I smile as I climb into the van behind Ljuba. With the tension in the front seat where Jean is hunkered down, clearly sorting through his own thoughts, it's nice to have Teagan's smiling, if somewhat awkward, presence.

Cael doesn't even wait for me to settle down beside Ljuba before he's putting the van in drive, the jarring motion sending me stumbling to my knees as I land unceremoniously next to Ljuba. Grumbling under my breath, I pull a few blankets over so I can make myself more comfortable, the cold still radiating in my bones as Cael gets up to speed on the icy highway.

View user profile

268 Re: Secrets and Favors on Wed Feb 17, 2016 12:41 am

"I had to get it sorted before we took off. His driving lacks a bit of finesse, doesn't it?" Teagan sighs, digging into her bag for what I can only assume will be cups as I tug off my sweater to escape the clinging stench of sick and cigarette.

"Oh!" Teagan exclaims, bouncing a bit as she crawls towards us with the thermos and her bag, "And a bit of soap. I wasn't eavesdropping, but I heard you got a bit of vomit in your hair. I made this!" She grins broadly as she holds up a jar with a rag stuffed inside, "It's a mild soap, just ring the rag out and you can run it through your hair. Clean up a bit. I've got some combs, too!"

"Thanks," I offer a small smile, more guilt settling in my chest as I recall my attitude towards her throughout the short trip.

View user profile http://sordidnations.forumotion.com

269 Re: Secrets and Favors on Wed Feb 17, 2016 12:47 am

"Can I help?" I ask as I nod toward the jar, smiling off-handedly at Teagan for her helpfulness. I've already decided I like her more than Cael's last apothecary, and her eagerness to be nice to Ljuba only wins her more praise in my book.

View user profile

270 Re: Secrets and Favors on Wed Feb 17, 2016 12:54 am

"Of course," Teagan smiles, never thinking he was asking me as she hands him the jar and begins digging out some combs.

"You going to clean me up?" I ask Marnin softly, smiling a bit as he opens the jar. The soap she's concocted smells floral but faint. Dainty, almost, with a wisp of spring. Pretty much how I'd imagined she'd smell.

View user profile http://sordidnations.forumotion.com

271 Re: Secrets and Favors on Wed Feb 17, 2016 1:00 am

"If you don't mind?" I respond, hesitating with the cloth in my hand until she nods for me to go ahead. "Can I tell you a secret?" I ask lightly as I begin parting through her hair, cleaning small sections at a time as Teagan hunts down the combs in her bag. "I get horribly carsick if I don't keep myself occupied. The motion of the car just throws me off. Cael used to hate driving me anywhere when I first started traveling with him."

View user profile

272 Re: Secrets and Favors on Wed Feb 17, 2016 1:03 am

"A long time ago, hmm?" I ask, my hands picking at the blanket I've tugged into my lap as I try not to stare at him so close.

View user profile http://sordidnations.forumotion.com

273 Re: Secrets and Favors on Wed Feb 17, 2016 1:07 am

"Yeah, about ten or eleven years ago," I nod, smiling faintly in thanks as Teagan hands me a couple of her combs so I can work out the tangles in Ljuba's hair. "He did transport jobs for Richard for a while. He was smart, though. Made himself disappear before Richard could collect him."

View user profile

274 Re: Secrets and Favors on Wed Feb 17, 2016 1:12 am

"So is he your oldest friend?" I grin a bit, offering Teagan an appreciative glance as she backs away to give us our privacy. "He doesn't seem too fond of you.


I crawl towards the front of the van, leaving the peculiar couple to relish in their post-argument honeymoon phase. I've never understood it, personally, but I've definitely noticed the oddly chummy tone that follows a spat between lovers. As though they're making up for lost time on the 'nice' department.

"So what're you two doing?" I ask the two men in the front, settling on my knees between their seats as I rise to peer over the dash at the thinning traffic the further we get from town.

View user profile http://sordidnations.forumotion.com

275 Re: Secrets and Favors on Wed Feb 17, 2016 1:27 am

"Cael's not fond of anyone," I smirk before shrugging lightly. "But yeah, I suppose he is my oldest friend, if that's what you'd call it. We look out for one another, in our own ways. He was the one that helped me get away from Richard... even saw that I got the medical care I needed, even though I didn't want it. He was a right dick about it, but his heart was in the right place."


"Jean's sulking and I'm driving," I respond, glancing at Teagan with a raised eyebrow before nodding for her to stand up. "Here," I say as I reach under Jean's seat to pull out the collapsable center seat that folds under the passenger side so she can sit down between us. "You get tired of the sweet nothings in back?"

View user profile

Sponsored content

Back to top  Message [Page 11 of 13]

Go to page : Previous  1, 2, 3 ... 10, 11, 12, 13  Next

Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum