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These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends

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151 Re: These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends on Sun Dec 11, 2016 7:03 pm

"Clearly, I'm more desperate than you are rude." I reason tiredly, pulling my straw from the empty mug and dipping it into the bottle of water so I can have a drink.

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152 Re: These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends on Sun Dec 11, 2016 7:05 pm

"I'll try harder," I comment as I finish mixing the string beans and placing a lid over the dish so I can slip them into the oven. "Food will be done here in about ten or fifteen minutes."

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153 Re: These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends on Sun Dec 11, 2016 7:14 pm

I nod as I continue to drink thirstily from the bottle, clearing nearly half of it before I set it on the table and stare at it. 

"If it tastes anything like it smells, I can't wait," I say as I trace the condensation on the bottle.

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154 Re: These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends on Sun Dec 11, 2016 7:18 pm

"So what drew you into this lifestyle anyway?" I ask as I come over to sit down, pointedly tucking the dolls and poisonous hazards away in the lockbox so they won't be anywhere near the food. "Something must have drawn you into it."

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155 Re: These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends on Sun Dec 11, 2016 7:24 pm

"I'm not sure how it was outside of Pallhagan, but in it, there wasn't much honest work for Weavers." I say, the vox unit finally unable to keep up with my slurred speech as I rub at my eyes tiredly. 

"It started innocently enough, though, just making those little drops for the junkies and the perverts, or... Whatever they're called in Common."

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156 Re: These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends on Sun Dec 11, 2016 7:34 pm

"What? The perverts or the dream drops?" I ask with a raised eyebrow. "Also, can I just say that I love that your idea of innocent enough is making dream drops for rapists to drug their victims."

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157 Re: These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends on Sun Dec 11, 2016 7:40 pm

"No, that-" I frown, shaking my head. "That's not what I started with," I correct him firmly, "I'm talking about the weirdos who use the drops like drugs. Ya know, fantasies and the like.

"No, I was dealing with blokes like Marnin, who just wanted an escape. At least, at first I was." I sigh, "With blokes like Marnin, blokes like Richard aren't long behind."

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158 Re: These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends on Sun Dec 11, 2016 7:44 pm

"Hmm, I don't know if Richard fits that particular criteria," I say hesitantly. "His appetites are a little more... active? And usually fairly willing."

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159 Re: These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends on Sun Dec 11, 2016 7:47 pm

I give him an exasperated look before shaking my head, "No, again. I didn't mean Richard was like the creeps. I mean... Richard, the bloke who won't like people operating in his area or selling things to his junkies. 

"About the time we hit Reach's End, I was making a pretty penny selling those drops. Nikolai was oblivious, of course, what with school and all. Kumarin sent someone to let me know that if I was going to be selling anything in the city, it'd be for him."

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160 Re: These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends on Sun Dec 11, 2016 7:59 pm

"Ah, right, of course," I nod, quickly catching on as I peel my thoughts out of the gutter. "Honestly, it's for the better anyway. It's a damn waste using the drops like that. I mean, even from a consumers perspective, it's exhilarating, yes, but it never really satisfies the lust you're trying to fulfill, you wind up craving more, and the next thing you know you've done something stupid in a half-crazed, magically charged state.

"No, magic like that shouldn't be wasted like that," I sigh as I grab a cleanser from under the sink so I can wash down the table so we can eat. "Not when there are folks like us who can put it to good use. Or, all guild interest aside, speaking as a master witch - something like that? You could train to accomplish fucking amazing things. If for no better reason than the sheer thrill of the magic. I'll be honest, even if I didn't have Richard or the guilds, I would still be doing what I do just for that. It's intoxicating all on its own."

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161 Re: These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends on Sun Dec 11, 2016 8:07 pm

"Well, that's sort of why I agreed to it." I confess with a shrug, taking another drink of water as I move my bottle out of his way. "I was no good at being good, ya know. I hated laundry and keeping a house proper, it was boring. I got this little tickle of excitement whenever I'd go out to work with Kumarin's men, and as much as I hated it, I loved having this secret. 

"Even after Beatrice came, I thought I'd leave and it'd be over and I'd just be a mum, but... It was so boring. Don't get me wrong - I loved them so much, but being in that house twenty-four-seven, with nothing stimulating to do but spin a spoon in a mug? It drove me mad."

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162 Re: These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends on Sun Dec 11, 2016 8:24 pm

"I know you tried to wash your hands of this life," I say a little more seriously, a note of sympathy in my voice as I keep my eyes fixed on my work. "Just like I know it probably pains you to be pulled back into it. But this life? That taste you get for it..? It's not something that ever really leaves you... you can fight it as much as you want, but I promise you.

"You will never be happy," I say flatly. "Not unless you embrace it. And you'll doubt yourself when you do. When the people you care about put you in that awkward position of choosing between them and what makes you happy. And I can tell you now, choosing them doesn't make it better. It won't save them or you or your relationships... it only prolongs the inevitable.

"You'll always come back to this," I say softly. "So... either choose someone who doesn't care what you're doing, or put it in your mind that anything you have with, say, Marnin... it's only temporary. It can only ever be temporary. Not that it shouldn't be thoroughly enjoyed while you have it. But you'll save yourself so much grief if you just go in already knowing that, and not expecting more."

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163 Re: These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends on Sun Dec 11, 2016 8:52 pm

I'm still staring at the water in my hands when Lavellan finishes speaking, a heaviness settling over me as I nod weakly. 

"I'm really kind of fucked up," I confess as I look up at him, "So... Don't take me to heart when I say that sucks, but I get it. I mean... I get it, but I don't know if I can do that. I feel like it's sort of all over the place. I was ready to kill Richard yesterday, but today, after what happened with Marn-

"I don't think all the bits of my brain went back together right," I say with a weak laugh, "I feel like I'm different people sometimes."

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164 Re: These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends on Sun Dec 11, 2016 8:56 pm

"And that's fine," I say quickly. "Be two different people if you have to. Love fast and love hard, just... be prepared. All things have an end, Ljuba. Especially the good things. So don't hold back, but don't be afraid to let go, either."

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165 Re: These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends on Sun Dec 11, 2016 9:00 pm

"I haven't even shagged him, love might be a bit much," I admit with a dismissive laugh, shaking my head as I run my fingers through my hair. "But, no. I understand what you're saying. I do. And I can sit here all night and tell you I'll do it, but that's not going to amount to shit when I'm face to face with him again. Or the next bloke, or the next. 

"Like, that's what's so fucking good about him, Lavellan," I frown, my tone shifting as I look at him seriously. "It's hard to be so cold around him."

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166 Re: These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends on Sun Dec 11, 2016 9:05 pm

"Well, they're all like that, aren't they?" I ask with a somber kind of smile. "All the good ones... It wouldn't be so easy to fall into their trap if it weren't difficult to cut them out of the heart of you. We don't start out heartless, you know."

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167 Re: These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends on Sun Dec 11, 2016 9:08 pm

"So how long do I have to torture you with my company before I get to know that story?" I ask lightly, smiling slightly as I take a drink of water. "You're a curious man, you know."

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168 Re: These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends on Sun Dec 11, 2016 9:16 pm

"So I've been told," I laugh at that as I toss the rag in the sink and return the cleanser to the space beneath it before washing my hands. "And that's not a subject I tend to discuss sober. And I haven't not been sober in twenty years.

"So," I sigh as I dry my hands and start pulling out the food before smiling back at her. "I guess you better hope you like my cooking if you plan on torturing me with your company enough to get it out of me."

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169 Re: These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends on Sun Dec 11, 2016 9:17 pm

"I could eat a shoe at this point, so it's looking good for you." I remark, sitting up a bit to watch him as I yawn unceremoniously.

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170 Re: These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends on Sun Dec 11, 2016 9:23 pm

"You never know, it's always a possibility around here," I grumble as I bring the squash over to put them on a hotpad in the center of the table before returning for the other dishes. "I had a curse put on me once that turned everything I tried to eat into something very much inedible. It took me two months to break it, and another three to recover my health when I did."

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171 Re: These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends on Sun Dec 11, 2016 9:24 pm

"You make lovely friends, don't you?" I say, my face twisted into one of discomfort as I look over at him. "That sounds awful."

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172 Re: These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends on Sun Dec 11, 2016 9:34 pm

"Mmm," I nod once I've put the food on the table, my attention now turning toward grabbing down plates and silverware so we can eat. "The sad thing? It wasn't even related to being a Deadman. It was just a rival in one of my other guilds who wanted to be guildmaster. Overly ambitious and not at all aware of how the electoral process works.

"Everyone hated him," I practically spit as I bring the plates to the table and start dishing one up for Ljuba. "He was a hack with a habit of stealing other people's ideas. Never had an original thought pass through his head in his entire life. And somehow he had it in his mind that if he could kill me, he would be voted in to replace me. Apparently, no one told him that you don't die of a starvation curse overnight - and you don't need to be alive for the curse to be broken.

"So he cursed me and even if I had died, my protege still would have become guildmaster, and Richard would still control the market. Or, if by some miracle he had succeeded in killing me and winning the vote, he would have won, Richard would have realized it was him who stood to gain from my death, and then he would die, my protege would get the spot, and Richard would still control the market.

"Dumbass," I scoff as I place Ljuba's plate in front of her before taking a seat to dish up my own.

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173 Re: These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends on Sun Dec 11, 2016 9:43 pm

"That-" I start, almost immediately being distracted by the plate of food he's set down before I reach for the silverware to start cutting the pieces into manageable bites. 

"Luckily for you - or me, really - I'm not very ambitious." I remark as I hesitate to steady my hands, frowning slightly at the tremor there before trying to cut into my meat again. "I'd just be content to-" I continue, grumbling as I have to adjust the knife in my hand to try and steady it's shaking, "Not live- Damnit," I grouse, setting the knife aside as I look up at him. 

"I'm using my hands, fuck you." I grumble, reaching up to grab the edge of the meat and tear at it.

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174 Re: These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends on Sun Dec 11, 2016 9:50 pm

"Stop," I groan as I swat her hand sharply before pulling the plate away from her to start cutting up not only the meat, but the rest of the food as well. "It's just been in the oven for over an hour," I scold, pointedly ignoring the torture I put my own hands through as I continue, "Your hands are your craft - don't burn them."

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175 Re: These Violent Delights Have Violent Ends on Sun Dec 11, 2016 9:57 pm

My lips press together as I watch him take my plate, almost pouting as he scolds me while cutting up my food. 

"It's kind of hard to be this cold and calculating person when I can't even eat properly," I say weakly, "Can't even drink without a straw."

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