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Everyone needs a fucking chill pill.

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1 Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Wed Dec 14, 2016 5:13 pm

Further in debt. That's how I feel, having taken a single paper note from Lavellan to pay for the trolley fares that would get me home. I was still groggy from whatever he'd put in my tea, as well as my own tea, and the insanely deep sleep he'd awoken me from to send me packing. 

No small jobs for me today, afterall. Either he was bored of my company or genuinely had something else to attend to, I didn't care which was true. I just want to go home, and sleep in my own bed. 

I've nearly fallen asleep here on the trolley, the gentle rocking of the cars lulling me closer and closer as I rest my head on the top of my basket of things. I, no-doubt, look like a crazy person. I almost hadn't even bothered putting on my mask or collar this morning, instead trying to embrace the monstrosity of my own appearance. That and it's started to itch where the quick-release has been overused. 

It's a slow walk up to my front door, my key slipping in unnecessarily as I twist the knob and step into the darkness, entirely unaware of the man waiting for me.



Last edited by Ljuba on Wed Dec 14, 2016 8:18 pm; edited 1 time in total

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2 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Wed Dec 14, 2016 5:34 pm

I haven't slept since Ljuba left after confessing her dark past in my living room. My knuckles are bloodied and raw from my... therapeutic coping mechanisms. To match those, I'm also very aware of the painful swelling of my left cheek and eye, not to mention the coppery split of my lower lip. Still, my eventful, sleepless weekend has offered me a level of clarity and sobriety I haven't had in years.

I don't know how long I've waited before Ljuba finally comes in her front door, her body language betraying her lack of awareness as she lets herself in and begins shuffling around the dark apartment. I can smell Lavellan on her instantly, and the scent makes my stomach drop a little as I frown to myself.

"I've had some time to think," I say at last, unwilling to leave the silence any longer as I try to reel in my imagination.

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3 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Wed Dec 14, 2016 5:43 pm

"Jeez-" I gasp, nearly dropping my basket before I can register the voice as I twist to peer into the darkness. I can vaguely see his silhouette against my window, my heart hammering in my chest as I reach out and cut on the light above the sink. 

"Marnin?"

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4 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Wed Dec 14, 2016 5:47 pm

"Well, I'm not Lavellan," I respond dryly, a faint frown coming to my lips. "But something tells me you already know where he is."

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5 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Wed Dec 14, 2016 6:56 pm

"... What?" I gape at the question, letting the basket slide to the floor at my feet as I stare at him. Face bloodied and eyes swollen, it aches just looking at him.

"Marnin, my gods," I breathe, stepping towards him in concern, "What have you done to yourself?"

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6 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Wed Dec 14, 2016 7:42 pm

I wave an annoyed hand, dismissing the question with a stiff frown.

"That's not why I'm here," I say heavily, my head aching as I shake it at her. "I'm not here about where you've been, either. Though I do have some concerns about that."

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7 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Wed Dec 14, 2016 7:55 pm

"Marnin," I frown, stopping in the middle of the apartment as he shakes his head at me. "You look-" I start, my composure stiffening a bit, "You look awful. Let me clean you up, make you a rag, something?"

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8 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Wed Dec 14, 2016 8:01 pm

"I've already cleaned up," I say stubbornly, my jaw clenching for a moment before I sigh and wave a dismissive hand telling her to do whatever.

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9 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Wed Dec 14, 2016 8:11 pm

I move quickly as I head to the sink to get a rag so I can make up a quick ice pack, turning back to look at him anxiously a few times. I can't make sense of why he's here, or why he looks the way he does, but the usual sense of ease that accompanies Marnin seems to be absent this morning. 

"Here," I say as I walk towards him, offering him the damp ice pack before dropping to my knees in front of the small vanity that functions as my altar.

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10 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Wed Dec 14, 2016 8:16 pm

"Do you understand why I'm angry with you?" I ask after a moment of pressing the ice pack to my cheek, using it as an excuse to remain silent so I could collect my thoughts. Everything I'd wanted to say fled from my thoughts the moment Ljuba walked in - all my anger flooding back in at the sound of her earnest heartbeat.

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11 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Wed Dec 14, 2016 8:19 pm

I inhale unsteadily before settling to the floor more comfortably, adjusting my skirt as I nod.

"I've done bad things," I say simply, unwilling to look up at him. "Things you don't agree with, things that... Things that undermine your principles."

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12 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Wed Dec 14, 2016 8:29 pm

"It's not a matter of-," I have to bite back my outrage as I pinch the bridge of my nose, the temptation to yell at her almost too much. "You helped people undermine the course of justice, Lju! You took people's voices, took their courage, and forced them to remain silent so the people who victimized others could continue to get away with it!

"It's just wrong," I say forcefully. "Imagine if you could have your justice for Bea and for your husband, for what happened to you, but someone silenced the only person who could have given it to you. Made them forget or - whatever. Forget my principles, Lju, how would you feel in that position? It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or feels. Imagine the victims' feelings.

"You helped the wrong people, Ljuba. And for what? Money?"

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13 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Wed Dec 14, 2016 8:39 pm

I wince at his words, withdrawing slightly as I try to distract myself with breathing. In, and out, slowly, calmly, but it doesn't do much for the indignant sense of anger in my chest. If I hadn't done what I'd done, those witnesses would've been killed instead. But it doesn't matter. That's not an argument to have, not right now. Not with Marnin, especially. 

"You've never done the wrong things before..?" I ask slowly, hesitantly. "You've never done bad things, made mistakes, regretted part of your life before? You think-" I inhale sharply as I shake my own head angrily, "You think I want your judgment? I get my judgment everytime I look in the mirror, every day I wake up alone, I don't want your fucking lecture about my life choices, Marnin, and I surely don't need it.

"Is this what you came back for?" I ask roughly as I climb back to my feet, stepping away from him as I brush my skirt out, "Your time thinking was spent deciding how to lecture me?"

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14 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Wed Dec 14, 2016 9:00 pm

"I don't need to lecture you," I respond stiffly, my jaw clicking as I grind my teeth and inhale slowly, deeply. "Like I said, I've done my thinking. And I know this is something from your past.

"But I have to know, Ljuba," I say tensely, my voice cracking under the strain of barely contained emotion. "Is it in your past? And please don't - just don't lie to me. Because I have done the wrong things before. I've done shit that I regret, things that I will be judged for, and fucking rightly so.

"But I left it in my past," I frown, the threat of tears becoming very real as I shift uncomfortably in my seat. "And I need to know that you have, too, because otherwise... I can't. I just can't, Ljuba. I already have one person I love testing my ability to forgive and survive with my self-worth intact. It would be the death of me if the woman I care for turned out to be just the same."

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15 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Wed Dec 14, 2016 9:13 pm

I turn to look at him tensely, the grip I'd had on my skirt loosening just slightly as I frown.

"The work I did with Kumarin's guild is behind me." I say sincerely.

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16 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Wed Dec 14, 2016 9:24 pm

There's an odd mixture of relief that mingles with the sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach. All I can do for a long moment is offer a nod as my head drops into my hand, my eyes closing as I focus on the cold of the ice pack pressed against my bruised face. There's something here that I haven't connected yet, I can feel it... but the horrible sense of dread in the pit of my stomach prevents me from digging at it. Even after she's admitted to doing bad things, I still don't want to admit that maybe she's bad. And I don't want to connect the dots that would spell it out for me one way or another.

"Why were you at Lavellan's house?" I ask hollowly, the question forced past my lips before my pleading sense of denial can kill it.

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17 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Wed Dec 14, 2016 9:35 pm

"I didn't want to be alone," I respond softly.

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18 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Wed Dec 14, 2016 9:39 pm

I process that for a long moment before finally nodding tiredly. "Okay."

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19 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Wed Dec 14, 2016 9:40 pm

"Marnin," I start quietly, "What happened to your face..?"

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20 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Wed Dec 14, 2016 9:45 pm

"I got into a fight," I finally admit with a sigh.

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21 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Wed Dec 14, 2016 9:48 pm

"Where-" I frown, stepping forward slightly before conceding and just settling onto my knees to look at him. "With who?"

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22 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Wed Dec 14, 2016 9:51 pm

"At a bar," I respond vaguely, my gaze avoiding hers despite my lack of sight. "With - everyone?"

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23 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Wed Dec 14, 2016 9:55 pm

"Fuck, Marnin, what where you thinking?" I scoot towards him to get a better look at his face when the state of his knuckles catches my attention. They're battered and bloodied, and I wouldn't be remotely surprised if there weren't half a dozen broken or fractured bones underneath that bruised flesh. I inhale sharply as I reach forward towards one of his hands, my fingers brushing lightly against his before I close some of the distance between us to take his hand into mine. 

"Marn, these need medical attention," I frown as I gingerly trace the swollen skin, "I'm taking you to a doctor."

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24 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Wed Dec 14, 2016 10:02 pm

"No," I say sharply, my posture stiffening as I pull my hand away. "No doctors," I say more gently, my posture softening just slightly as I offer my hand back to her, more as a show of good faith than anything. "Doctors are unattractively fond of police."

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25 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Wed Dec 14, 2016 10:04 pm

"Your hands are broken," I frown sharply, taking his hand into both of mine as I look up at him, "You can't just ignore them."

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