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Everyone needs a fucking chill pill.

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51 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Sun Dec 18, 2016 3:17 pm

"No worries there," I scoff softly, finishing the second tea ball and setting it on the bed between us as I stare off across the room absently. 

"So what do you wanna know?" I ask, picking at my nails as I glance his way, "Anything, ask."

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52 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Mon Dec 19, 2016 12:19 am

"I don't know," I say quietly as I continue to fidget with the tea ball for the longest time. "Did you enjoy it..?"

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53 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Mon Dec 19, 2016 12:39 am

I sigh as I let my hands fall to my lap, and I stretch my legs out on the carpet in front of me, my ankles crossing. 

"Yes." I say simply.

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54 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Mon Dec 19, 2016 1:15 am

"What did you enjoy about it?" I ask, a hollow forming in the pit of my stomach.

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55 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Mon Dec 19, 2016 1:41 am

"That I was good at it." I respond, inhaling deeply as I stare at my fingernails.

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56 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Mon Dec 19, 2016 2:00 am

"You're being intentionally vague," I frown, trying to keep the frustration out of my voice. "People are good at cooking, riding a bicycle, playing the trumpet. Being good at those things isn't - that's just - that's not a real motive! You don't discover you're good at something like this without first doing it. And then being good at is a result of continuing to do it because you like it.

"So why do you like it?" I ask again. "Really?"

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57 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Mon Dec 19, 2016 2:06 am

"Because," I repeat, "I was good at it. There's not a whole lot of work for weavers, not honest work, anyway. Not that doesn't involve concocting up fuck fantasies for bored housewives, or their just-as-fucking-bored husbands. 

"I'd sell drops to addicts, because at least their requests were a bit more unique. They'd pay the extra coin for the better quality." I say quickly, huffing in annoyance as I continue, "When the guild found out I was selling in their city, they stepped in and put my skills to better use.

"I enjoyed it because I was good at it, and it was a challenge. Housewifes and junkies don't care if they remember it's not real, they don't give a shit if there's a gap in the memories, but I was making masterpieces and the best part?" I laugh weakly, shaking my head, "The people getting them were none the wiser. They went on with their lives, perfectly unaware they'd ever met me or anyone in the guild."

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58 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Mon Dec 19, 2016 2:38 am

"You sound like you're bragging," I frown as I tilt my head toward her, the tea ball forgotten in my hand. "Like you're sad they couldn't appreciate the lies you put in their heads."

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59 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Mon Dec 19, 2016 2:49 am

"You asked..." I say quietly, shifting so I can stand as the kettle gets ready to whistle that it's ready. 

"I'm sorry I don't have a better answer for you, or even one that explains it, but-" I shrug, grabbing down a couple mugs as I linger near the counter, "I don't know. Maybe it doesn't make sense."

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60 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Mon Dec 19, 2016 2:53 am

"Do you regret any of it?" I ask, trying not to scowl as I shake my head at her. "If it hadn't gone sour and bit you in the ass, bit your family in the ass, would you have ever stopped? Ever cared that it was wrong? Do you care that it's wrong??"

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61 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Mon Dec 19, 2016 3:06 am

"Now? Yes." I say, waiting for the kettle to finally whistle before pouring the steaming water into the mugs. "But I'm not the same person I was then... In any sense."

I walk towards him, handing him his mug before reclaiming my spot beside him. 

"Sometimes, I'll lay in bed and just think back on how it all happened. It's like watching a story I wasn't apart of. Nikolai, Bea... They feel like distance characters in a movie, like they're imagined almost. As for the people in the guild?

"It's like trying to recall a dream, sometimes. There are bits of it that are so clear, you can taste it, but if you try too hard it just slips away." I continue, dropping my tea ball in and playing with the chain as I shrug softly. "I don't know. If I had to guess, no, I wouldn't have stopped, but it's just a guess. Like I said... That was a different person, then."

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62 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Mon Dec 19, 2016 3:14 am

"Let's - maybe just focus on this person, yeah?" I offer with a tense sigh, a small smile coming to my lips as I nod for the mug of water.

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63 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Mon Dec 19, 2016 3:18 am

Frowning, I nod as I tuck myself back into the corner of my bed, kicking my shoes off and pulling a blanket over my lap once I'd set my tea in the window to steep. 

"I'm not proud of what I did," I say sharply, "And I'd think the simple fact I wanted to keep it from you shows that I knew it was wrong. That it was shameful."

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64 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Mon Dec 19, 2016 3:36 am

"I don't want to fight," I frown deeply as I fidget with the tea ball in my mug. "Honestly, Lju, it's... well, no, it's not fine. But it's fine, okay? I mean, it bothers me and I can't help that it upsets me... but it's in the past.

"You're different now," I say, nodding absently, more to convince myself than anything. "And we should just focus on that because... I don't want to fight. I know I said I wanted to know, but... maybe some other time. After, I've had the time to acclimate to - I don't know. Can we just leave it, please?"

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65 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Mon Dec 19, 2016 3:38 am

I only nod my response as I tilt my head slightly to look at him, frowning at the way his numbed fingers move across the edge of his mug.

"Don't burn yourself, you're still numb," I say, "How's your face feel?"

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66 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Mon Dec 19, 2016 3:41 am

"I think I'm drooling," I respond with a quick laugh, grateful for the subject change as I bring a hand up to rub at my mouth in embarrassment. My eyes widen as I remember the issue she has with her injuries. "Oh, God. I'm sorry, that was rude and insensitive."

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67 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Mon Dec 19, 2016 3:42 am

"Don't be silly," I laugh softly, shoving the blanket off so I can crawl behind him to the head of the bed so I can grab him the box of tissues I keep there. "Just means I'm prepared. Here, you can wipe it all off, it's done it's work for now."

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68 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Mon Dec 19, 2016 3:46 am

"I don't know, I kind of like it," I admit reluctantly as I start wiping at the salve with one hand, my tea held precariously in the other.

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69 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Mon Dec 19, 2016 3:47 am

"You won't get anymore numb than you are," I respond, lingering near his side as I reach out to take his mug before he topples it onto my carpet. "Besides, if it cakes on once you get your feeling back, it stings really bad."

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70 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Mon Dec 19, 2016 3:55 am

"Oh," I frown, making a face as I scrub at the salve a little more vigorously. "Well, maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing. Karma, for being a dick."

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71 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Mon Dec 19, 2016 3:56 am

"If you could see yourself, I think you'd agree karma has done it's job." I frown, reaching out gingerly as my nails pull his hair from a scrape along his temple. 

"Did you do this because of me..?"

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72 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Mon Dec 19, 2016 4:04 am

"No," I respond quickly, shaking my head as I wince a little at what she's doing. I can't feel it, but I know I should. "I did it thanks to years of psychological torment at the hands of my brother, unaddressed rage, poor coping mechanisms, and a therapist that's more concerned about my promiscuity than he is about my proclivity for violent problem solving and habitual drug abuse.

"Then again, he's also the son of my priest... sodomy is kind of a hot button with the church lately."

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73 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Mon Dec 19, 2016 4:06 am

My eyebrows pinch slightly as I withdraw my hand, frowning in confusion.

"What?" I ask with a slight laugh.

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74 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Mon Dec 19, 2016 4:11 am

"Nothing, just-," I laugh uncomfortably, shaking my head as I reach up to pick at the spot she was messing with. "No, it wasn't because of you. It was just... something I do sometimes. Not in a long time, but it was a long time coming."

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75 Re: Everyone needs a fucking chill pill. on Mon Dec 19, 2016 4:13 am

"If you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to." I say as I hand him his tea back, returning to my spot on the other end of the bed. 

"But if you do, I'm here to listen." I add, pulling my own tea into my lap once I'm back under the blanket. "I mean, there has to be a reason you broke into my apartment, right?"

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