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The Fuck..?

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151 Re: The Fuck..? on Thu Sep 07, 2017 4:23 pm

I shake my head as her response confirms the suspicions I'd been working on since the moment Aodh had shown up in my garden with only half of what was missing. "You stupid, stupid girl," I breathe, my voice growing slowly louder and louder as I get to my feet to pace around her bed.

"Is this honestly what you think Mar- what you think I would want for you?!" I demand, catching my slip up as it leaves my mouth. "And like this, of all the ways?! You left yourself here for your friend to find you - some fool boy who loves you enough to lie and call you his sister and face down the rumors of promised death to save you - from yourself! You-,"

I stop, my hands pulling at my hair in frustration before I storm back around the bed to grab the mug I had prepared.

"Drink this," I snap as I shove it into her hands. "And don't you dare argue with me. You're not dead, and you will not die - not on my watch. I won't allow you to be that stupid and selfish!"

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152 Re: The Fuck..? on Thu Sep 07, 2017 4:31 pm

Marnin's outburst startles me, my limbs shaking as I struggle to sit up clumsily as he scolds me. The words stop making sense, and my mind has all but wandered entirely when I'm grabbed back to his voice as he forces the cup into my hands. 

"What are you talking about..?" I ask sharply, pushing the mug back into his hands, "What do you mean I'm not, why are you here then!?"

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153 Re: The Fuck..? on Thu Sep 07, 2017 4:40 pm

"Ljuba," I say roughly, my anger twisting around itself as I force the concern to show in my voice as I sit down on the bed beside her. "Listen to me, please. You can't be with me. Not like this... You're supposed to have a long, happy life. You're supposed to find your place in the world; not follow where my path lead me.

"Don't you see how wrong that is??" I ask, my tone almost pleading. "I'm not supposed to be here, but I am - to stop you from doing this. Aodhagen needs you to stay here... I need you to stay here.

"Please," I force the word out. "Drink."

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154 Re: The Fuck..? on Thu Sep 07, 2017 4:47 pm

My chest shakes as I look down at the mug in my hands, a broken sob breaking through as I shake my head. 

"I'll do this for you," I breathe softly, raising the mug to my lips, "but you're wrong."

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155 Re: The Fuck..? on Thu Sep 07, 2017 5:08 pm

I hold my breath as she downs the potion, the sigh I'd relief only coming once the last dregs of it have passed her lips. My posture relaxes as I stare sightlessly down at my hands clasped in my lap.

"I'm sorry you're struggling," I say quietly after a moment. "I've been where you are now. I just wish I could help you find your reason to keep going like someone once did for me."

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156 Re: The Fuck..? on Thu Sep 07, 2017 5:15 pm

"You have a twisted sense of humor, Marn," I say as I wipe at my lips blearily, reaching off the edge of the bed to let the mug rattle to the floor. Inhaling roughly, I look up at him tiredly before reaching out gently to let my fingers brush against his arm. 

"I am sorry," I whisper, "I treated you so wrong, and I'm sorry."

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157 Re: The Fuck..? on Thu Sep 07, 2017 5:32 pm

"You don't have to apologize to me, Ljuba," I say with a frown as I resist the urge to shy away from her touch. "The dead hold no grudges. It's those left alive that you have to contend with."

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158 Re: The Fuck..? on Thu Sep 07, 2017 5:54 pm

"But the ones the dead leave behind... They hold plenty of resentment." I say quietly, "Aodh blames me for this, for all of it, I know he does. Lavellan resented me for what happened, your brother probably still wants my head on a pike." I chatter on, shifting uncomfortably in my seat on the bed. 

"I really fucked it all up, didn't I..?" I cry softly.

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159 Re: The Fuck..? on Thu Sep 07, 2017 6:11 pm

"Maybe you did," I frown slightly. "Or maybe you didn't. All I know is that you shouldn't make their job easy for them if they want you to suffer. Guilt is a useless emotion. Own it; embrace it or move on from it, make it part of your armor or cut it loose. But don't let it sink you - there's no glory or honor in passivity. And letting it ruin you is an insult to the memory of those who died with you in their heart.

"If you have any true remorse, then you have to be better," I say firmly. "Otherwise it isn't grief that ruins you. It's self-pity - and it's pathetic." I pause for a moment, my head tilting as I hear Ljuba swallowing roughly, nausea threatening to overtake her as I reach down to grab the bucket I'd sat to the side for her. "You will get better, Ljuba. I'll help you. You'll hate it and you'll hate me; but you will be better."

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160 Re: The Fuck..? on Thu Sep 07, 2017 6:30 pm

My hands hardly get to the bucket to steady it by the time my body tries to purge the tea I'd drunk, my limbs and joints on fire with each lurching motion. It goes on for several minutes, my chest continuing to heave long after my stomach's emptied. I've been shifted to the edge of the bed, the bucket on the floor between my ankles and my weight resting on my knees, but I'm having trouble remaining upright without the adrenaline of sick keeping the energy in my muscles. 

"It hurts," Even whimpering out the words feels like glass grinding in my spine, and my limbs have begun to tremble violently. "What did you do to me?"

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161 Re: The Fuck..? on Thu Sep 07, 2017 6:38 pm

"It's called sick weed," I respond casually, still sitting on the bed beside her. "It siphons all of the toxins from your system and causes severe nausea. The initial illness is just your stomach reacting to the leaves breaking down; the real hell comes after the oils from the roots get fully absorbed. If I were you, I would try to choke down some water. Otherwise the cramps will make you really wish you were dead."

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162 Re: The Fuck..? on Thu Sep 07, 2017 6:44 pm

"What..?" I frown, moving clumsily to look at him, "Why!?"

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163 Re: The Fuck..? on Thu Sep 07, 2017 7:01 pm

"Because," I respond with a scowl. "You lost the luxury of the kinder, gentler help I could have given you when you trespassed onto my property and stole my poppies. Not only did you steal from me, which I could have overlooked given that the poisons they were laced with are punishment enough for the average junkie, but you took it further than that. You intended to use my plants, an instrument of my faith and my connection to the earth, as a means to heedlessly end a life.

"To put it bluntly?" I say with an unmistakable sneer. "You pissed me off and now I have to help you, and that just pisses me off more. So yeah. You're damn right you're going to suffer for it. You'll live. But it's going to be the worst kind of living before it becomes worth it."

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164 Re: The Fuck..? on Thu Sep 07, 2017 7:04 pm

My eyes widen with fear and confusion as Marnin tears into me, my posture stiffening as I sit up to look at him. 

"Who are you..?" I ask breathlessly, tears already streaming down my face as the ache starts to take over my body.

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165 Re: The Fuck..? on Thu Sep 07, 2017 7:17 pm

"Not Marnin," I respond starkly as I get to my feet and brush myself off. "Try to rest," I say firmly as I grab the bucket and replace it with another so I can clean the first one out. "You'll be sick intermittently for a few hours, and then the shakes will set in. You're going to need your strength."

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166 Re: The Fuck..? on Thu Sep 07, 2017 7:19 pm


With a bundle of herbs from Aodhagan and Ljuba's garden tucked into my arms, I head back inside to find Mairon in the kitchen, the smell of sick in the air. I hesitate slightly, Aodh following just behind me, before I go to set the herbs by the sink. 

"Everything okay?" I ask, peering around Mairon's shoulder to see the dirtied bucket, my nose pinching slightly at the odor.

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167 Re: The Fuck..? on Thu Sep 07, 2017 7:29 pm

"Everything is great," I smile as I reach back to squeeze Winifred's hand before returning to my task as I hum to myself cheerily. "Ljuba woke up and I got her to start her flush. A day or two and she'll be right as rain."

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168 Re: The Fuck..? on Thu Sep 07, 2017 7:34 pm

"Oh?" I perk up a bit at that, turning back to look at Aodh who has already headed back into the living room. Turning back to Mairon, I rest against the counter as I peer up at him. 

"So... what now?"

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169 Re: The Fuck..? on Thu Sep 07, 2017 7:46 pm

"Now we settle in," I shrug as I lean beside her, our sides touching as I tilt my headto listen to the two in the living room. "See that she doesn't die, I suppose... she's still pretty out of it."

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170 Re: The Fuck..? on Thu Sep 07, 2017 7:49 pm

"Will you sedate her?" I ask, watching him curiously as he seems to be listening to the other room.

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171 Re: The Fuck..? on Fri Sep 08, 2017 2:59 pm

"No," I respond a bit gruffly. "Not unless she gets belligerent. Otherwise, she needs to remember this."

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172 Re: The Fuck..? on Fri Sep 08, 2017 3:15 pm

"I didn't mean for her," I frown, sighing as I turn away before he can respond. Aodh's soup is boiling lightly, and the herbs need cleaning so they can be added. It's a task I busy myself with.

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173 Re: The Fuck..? on Fri Sep 08, 2017 3:48 pm

"Then for who?" I ask before realizing she's turned away. I make an irritated noise at her and then return to cleaning the bucket and gathering the other dishes that I've dirtied, noisily washing them as I protest Winifred's rationale.

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174 Re: The Fuck..? on Fri Sep 08, 2017 4:38 pm

I've finished adding the herbs to the soup, fastening the lid back into place and cutting down the fire a bit before I go to head back into the living room, ignoring the heavy way Mairon moves at the sink. I linger at the edge of the room, the woman on the bed sitting up heavily against Aodh's side as he seems to talk to her softly. She looks sullen and out of it, but there's something very present in the way she looks to him with a look of pure guilt twisting her face. I feel like I'm betraying them by lingering at the edge of their exchange, even if I lack the capabilities to truly eavesdrop. 

Sighing, I turn back towards the kitchen to find Mairon facing my direction.

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175 Re: The Fuck..? on Sun Sep 10, 2017 2:33 pm

It takes me a moment to realize that Winifred has turned to catch me listening to her movements. Even then, though, I only cock my head slightly as I continue to ponder her inner dialogue, the way she lingers silently, a sort of spectre at the edge of the world of the hearing.

"Do you ever feel like an outsider?" I ask quietly after a moment. "Not even right now, watching them... but just standing alone in the middle of a room? Sometimes I catch myself wondering what the point of me is... or why I'm here, of all places, so out of place compared to everyone else."

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